Archive for the 'important' Category

who is this blog for?

Who the heck is this blog for? I don’t really mean it for the general public, but seeing as I put it on a little place called the internet, I certainly can’t complain if the general public has things to say about it. In my experience, the general public has generally unflattering or offensive things to say about arranged marriage and particularly second generation individuals who choose it. It would be lovely if the momentous choices of my life weren’t ridiculed, but then I shouldn’t have started a blog.

It would be a great (much better, for sure) blog if I wasn’t sure about this path, if I was looking for some kind of input about the way to go, and open to being influenced by a comment or four. But I really am not looking for that kind of input, and if I was, comments would probably not be the way I was influenced.

In a lot of ways I started it just for me, because this is something weighs on me every second of every day for at least the last half-decade and has weighed and will weighed on those I love dearly for another few decades. And at the same time, it’s not the kind of thing you can keep bringing up as a daily stressor when you’re talking to your friends about single life. And a lot of times when it does weigh on me, I’ll search “arranged marriage” and see who else it’s weighing on. But apparently, it’s no one but me. So I guess I wanted to see if that’s true, and maybe be the one hit for someone else doing that search.

n.b.: arranged marriage

When I use “arranged marriage” here, I’m talking a very specific type of marriage, in which one (often a second generation immigrant) is socialized and pressured by their community to marry someone from within that community as part of a way to bind two families together. It’s often accompanied by a cultural prohibition against dating, especially serial dating, such that there is typically a short timeline from meeting to marriage. In the United States, where I am, and in other diasporas, an arranged marriage isn’t necessarily arranged anymore, although parents and grandparents shoulder much of the responsibility in networking and making introductions. The bride-to-be and groom-to-be yield veto power at all times and their happiness and consent are among the most critical criteria in proceeding. In general, the kind of arranged marriage that I know is enforced only by family and community approval and disapproval (although let’s not underestimate how powerful these are). At no point am I talking about a truly arranged marriage in which there’s no options, no veto, and enforcement by violence or restriction of liberty. I don’t pretend that I know anything about living that kind of truth or that anything I experience is comparable to that kind of future.


sec·ond-gen·er·a·tion (sknd-jn-rshn)

adj. 1. Of or relating to a person or persons whose parents are immigrants.

n.b.: arranged marriage

When I use "arranged marriage" here, I'm talking a very specific type of marriage, in which one (often a second generation immigrant) is socialized and pressured by their community to marry someone from within that community as part of a way to bind two families together. It's often accompanied by a cultural prohibition against dating, especially serial dating, such that there is typically a short timeline from meeting to marriage. In the United States, where I am, and in other diasporas, an arranged marriage isn't necessarily arranged anymore, although parents and grandparents shoulder much of the responsibility in networking and making introductions. The bride-to-be and groom-to-be yield veto power at all times and their happiness and consent are among the most critical criteria in proceeding. In general, the kind of arranged marriage that I know is enforced only by family and community approval and disapproval (although let's not underestimate how powerful these are). At no point am I talking about a truly arranged marriage in which there's no options, no veto, and enforcement by violence or restriction of liberty. I don't pretend that I know anything about living that kind of truth or that anything I experience is comparable to that kind of future.